Start with Why
As a new term begins, educators and parents across the world are met with the exciting yet sometimes-challenging task of getting their children back into a routine after the long summer holiday. It’s a time of transition, adaptation, and growth, not only for the children but for the adults supporting them. In the international sector, children, families and teachers may well be adjusting to not only a new year group or school, but a new country and culture entirely. For those of us who are deeply embedded in expatriate life, it can be easy to forget the upheaval, uncertainty and discomfort of being “other” in a new environment, especially for children who are still grappling with the expectations and challenges of growing up.
I recently re-read Simon Sinek’s business manual, “Start with Why”, and it has some really valuable insights that I think can be applied to this particular time of the year. While it’s an incredibly useful tool for businesses and leaders trying to align and progress their business and teams, as with many things in life, these lessons can be applied elsewhere. I’m a firm believer that you don’t need a title to be a leader, despite what LinkedIn culture would have us believe. If you’re a teacher of children, you’re a leader. If you’re a parent or a partner, you can be a leader. If you’re an accountant, a shop assistant or an insurance salesperson, you can be a leader. The question is, what do you do each day, how do you show up for the people in your orbit, and why?
Simon Sinek’s central thesis in Start with Why is that successful individuals and organisations inspire action by clearly understanding and communicating their purpose—the “why” behind what they do. This idea transcends business and can be remarkably effective in understanding and supporting young children. When applied to education and parenting, starting with “why” involves digging deeper into the reasons behind children’s behavior and needs, rather than simply reacting to the surface-level symptoms – the what or how.
(you can read more about Simon Sinek’s model here)
Not only this, but starting with “why” in terms of noticing and acknowledging our own response to things can be enormously valuable in managing situations and stressors that would usually create pressure or pain for us. When we’re mindful (and honest!) of what we’re feeling and why, it helps us to separate the situation from our reaction to the situation.
Additionally, as teachers, knowing our own why as educators is really important in remembering why we do what we do. Everyone has their own agendas and motivation when it comes to their career, whether that be money, challenge, a love of the job or a deep-seated belief about children and childhood. All are valid, however it’s important to know what yours is, “Why am I here?” so that you can acknowledge and lean on it when things get bumpy.
Observing Behavior: Beyond the Surface
In the first few weeks of a new term, children are adjusting to new routines, environments, and expectations. This period can bring out a range of behaviors—from excitement and enthusiasm to anxiety and withdrawal. As educators and parents, it’s crucial to approach these behaviors with curiosity and an open mind.
Why is this child acting this way? This question encourages us to look beyond immediate behaviours and consider underlying factors. For instance, a child who is unusually withdrawn might be struggling with separation anxiety or adjusting to a new social dynamic. Similarly, a child displaying disruptive behavior might be expressing frustration over a lack of familiarity with new classroom rules or spending more time away from parents.
Staying Curious and Present
To effectively “start with why,” try to start by cultivating a mindset of curiosity and presence:
- Observe Without Judgment: Approach each child’s behavior as a puzzle to be solved rather than a problem to be fixed. Observe their interactions, emotions, and responses to different situations. This helps to identify patterns and potential triggers.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Engage in conversations with children that allow them to express themselves freely and revisit their experiences. Instead of saying, “What’s the matter?” try “Tell me about the good and bad parts of your day.” This encourages children to articulate their experiences and feelings, providing insights into their behavior.
- Reflect on Environmental Influences: Consider the impact of the new environment on children. Changes in routine, new faces, and different expectations can all contribute to behavioral shifts. Don’t expect too much, and remember that progress isn’t always linear – some days may go well, and others may be more difficult.
- Collaborate with Other Adults: Share observations and insights with colleagues or other parents. A simple conversation can offer not only different perspectives and collective wisdom, but some much needed support when you need it.
- Maintain Flexibility: Children are dynamic and their needs can change rapidly, especially in the early days of a new term. Be prepared to adapt, and give yourself freedom to change your approach should you need to.
As you navigate the early weeks of the term, I encourage you to start with why. By doing this, we set the stage for a more compassionate and responsive approach to education and parenting. When we understand the underlying reasons behind children’s behaviors, we can better support their emotional and developmental needs. Understanding the core purpose behind actions—whether in business, relationships or in nurturing young minds—leads to more meaningful and effective outcomes.